If you’re curious about bondage and interested in trying it out, either being tied up or doing the tying, rest assured it can be incredibly sexy when done with consent and the right know-how. For those who have never tried it before, bondage can be a hot way to add spice to your sex life
What is Bondage?
Bondage refers to restraining someone’s movement, and in a kink context, this can take many different forms. One of the most common is tying down someone’s wrists and/or ankles. From there, a variety of sex acts can occur: oral sex, intercourse, teasing touches, massage… anything you can think of to pleasure a partner who is temporarily tied down.
Understanding Power Dynamics
In bondage, power dynamics are very literal: one person relinquishes their power of movement, while the other maintains it. This gives the “free” person a power advantage and the restrained person a power disadvantage.
Reasons to Enjoy Being Tied Down
Many people enjoy giving up their physical power and being tied down for several reasons:
Relief:With the other person completely in charge, you can fully relax into the sex itself.
Alertness:Not knowing what your lover will do next can make you hyper-alert and sensitive to every sensation.
Trust: Putting your body in their hands can feel highly intimate.
Frustration (in a good way): The inability to move how you normally would can feel very erotic.
Reasons to Avoid Bondage
Some might not enjoy bondage due to past negative or non-consensual experiences involving restraint. It’s essential to consider personal boundaries and experiences.
For the Person Doing the Tying
If you want to consensually tie your partner down, you might be drawn to the following feelings:
- Powerful: You get to call the shots.
- Creative: You can be especially inventive in how you pleasure them.
- Observant: You can pay close attention to their facial expressions and body language.
- Intimate: You feel special knowing your partner has trusted you deeply.
Preparing for Bondage
Bondage can be sexy and emotionally satisfying when done with trust and consent. Here are some practical tips to get started:
Equipment
Silk scarves, ties, and household items can work, but for a secure setup, bondage kits are ideal. Kits usually come with adjustable straps that glide under any bed mattress, making it easy to restrain someone without the knots slipping off. Ankle and wrist restraints are often adjustable, ensuring a snug yet comfortable fit.
Positioning
A common beginner position is “bed bondage”:
- The restrained partner lies on their back with arms and legs out like an “X.”
- The restraining partner secures the wrists first (some start with just the wrists).
- If desired, the ankles are also secured.
Getting Started
- Consent: Ensure you both have explicit and clear consent.
- Gentle Contact: Start with gentle physical contact like kisses and soft strokes. This prevents the restrained person from entering fight-or-flight mode.
- Power Play: Embrace the power exchange dynamic with phrases like:
- “Don’t kiss me back until I say so.”
- “Don’t come until I say it’s allowed.”
Enhancing the Experience
- Texture and Temperature Play: When movement is restricted, other senses heighten. Try using a body-safe candle to pour melted wax into your hand and rub it on your partner’s body.
- Praise Kink: Incorporate praise, such as “good girl” or “good boy,” to enhance the experience.
Safewords
Agree on a safe word before playing or use a simple “STOP” to immediately halt the activity.
Conclusion
Bondage can be an exciting and deeply intimate addition to your sex life. With proper consent, communication, and creativity, it can lead to incredibly hot and satisfying experiences for both partners. So, gather your lube, your lovers, and let the fun begin.
